Evolution

Evolution

As an artist so much is demanded of our creative genius. It is constantly being tested by both ourselves and those who follow our work. We demand a constant flow of new ideas and those ideas must be good.

It can be exhausting this constant push and pull of ideas. I know you've been there. Started off the morning ready to take over the world. So completely sure of your own amazing talent and so full of ideas that you can barely fabricate them fast enough. You finish setting the last stone and you look at the piece in awe, look what I created. I'm amazing, I'm brilliant, and I’m untouchable. By that evening as you allow your eyes to drift slowly downward, just before they start to close, the thought comes like a splinter and antagonizes you until you find sleep useless and you wonder if it's possible to creep back into the studio for another look. The alter ego arrives with a force, what if it isn't that good, what if nobody likes it, what if everything I fabricate is only mediocre at best and my belief that I could actually be someone, that I was brilliant even is like the voice of my mother who thinks just about everything I do is amazing and let's face it, we all know mothers fib!

This is the path of an artist and we all find our own ways to deal with it. I know that it is part in parcel and it is those who would even dare to choose this path that harbor the harshest self-criticism.

So how do we continue to build the momentum we need everyday to continue to create and to continue to come up with new ideas. This is something that I have spent a lot of time thinking about because while some navigate these waters calmly, others find it a great difficulty. For me this has been a strength and one I would like to share.

The key is in evolution. I find the idea for the next piece from the piece I am working on now. So often as I am fabricating I am thinking about that next piece and what the current piece would look like if I were to go in another direction. I try to keep my eyes open constantly to the next possibility. Taking an idea and branching out within it's many parts to all the different and unique options gives your initial spark of an idea a full and complete journey allowing you to store your energy for the next great spark. Complete the process within each cycle and you will find that not only does your collection begin to build a variety of options within it but also so many options for those looking at your work which is always a good thing.

I try to leave production work to the days where I really have nothing new and my creative force is truly drained. This allows me to continue to work and as I am working I can process to find the next great beginning of another idea.

We as artists have a natural inclination to want to crack open something new each day and evolve at a frightening pace but when we allow ourselves to capture all of the many elements within each new idea we offer ourselves a broader range and usually the next great idea is hidden within the many pieces of the current one.

What follows is a short series of pieces I fabricated in order as I allowed each idea to evolve:

 

Argue your limitations....

Yes, argue your limitations and sure enough, they are yours.

It is amazing to me how many talented and incredible artists I meet who set their own limitations. They somehow create a space in their head defined by what they believe they can achieve. I never understood this. I don't know how far each of us can push our own creative endeavors but I believe that we should continue to push ourselves and see where it will go. I never wanted to embrace the idea that I couldn't or I might not... I just want to see and continue down the path to where? I'm not sure but I certainly felt that anything was possible.

So why is it that as of recent I feel a tremendous amount of weight upon my shoulders? It is new, this feeling. I can barely describe it but it is here hanging over me. I've spent the last few months pushing against it, not wanting to give it root but it continues to grow even beyond me as recently my husband spoke it aloud from his own mind and words and the consequence of that is that what I have tried to ignore has its own truth.

The path I am on now has gone as far as it will take me. I've known this quietly in the back of my head. Pieces popping out and lingering in the shadows but I have tried to move past it hoping that time would find a break in the pattern, a momentary relief from the inevitable. Yet, here it is. Time for tough decisions and the question that gnaws at the back of our heels, where do I want to go? I feel unsure and off balance. It is significant and a question I have not had to answer before now. Each step before this brought me closer but not past where I thought I would go. Now, I must honestly look inside and find the words that will propel me forward by my own force and determination.

I know the answer will change everything. I know that moving forward the sense of purpose will be different and unique. It is no longer a matter of split second decisions but somehow more tangible and significant. When you describe in words and write down what you really want, failure is more true in a way that is measured inch by inch, liter by liter against that which is your spoken and verifiable goal.

It is almost overwhelming and I find it difficult to focus on it. I keep thinking that I have time, time to think it through, time to process, to make a decision but the truth is I don't know and procrastination like a holding pattern has become a comfortable home. At least I know this, I know where I am, what is expected of me, what the road here holds but moving forward it all becomes uncertain and my belief that I can overcome the obstacle not certain quite.

There are truly so many different places to go. The thoughts tumble from my mind multiplying from each cross examination. So many wonderful ideas.

Yet. It is spoken aloud. The words have permanence beyond me and there will be so much freedom ultimately in a decision. I continue to toss and turn searching for the light that will illuminate the answer.

I keep coming back to the words, "argue your limitations and sure enough they are yours." I know the truth embedded in these words. I know that a choice must be made. It is a certain truth and yet.....

Build A Collection, Create A Story....

It's tough when you feel like your work is bits and pieces. A bit of this and a piece of that. You want it all to paint a beautiful portrait yet you are enchanted with this and with that.

I know, I've been there. Just today in fact!

And yet, success hinges on your ability to create a collection. If you dare to venture into wholesale your buyers will demand it and if you choose to retail at shows your sales will soar with it. Those buying your work need options. Big, small, short, long, chunky, thin..... need I go on?

It's a difficult balance between having all the freedom in the world to create and knowing that at the end the pieces must tell a story.

As I have a difficult time not giving in to my creative will I have to work extra hard to try to pull it all together. One of my solutions is the story board. I allow myself time to play and create. I find what works and what I want to build a collection around. Once I have the beginning pieces formed and fabricated I begin a story board.

As you can see above I begin arranging the pieces in small groups looking for gaps. How many pieces are there in each grouping? Do I have enough necklace or earring options? Is there a piece that stands alone? Is there an earring that could be shortened or lengthened to offer another possibility?

With a story board I can see most clearly the gaps and pieces sticking out like an island unto themselves.

I thought I would share this idea in hopes that it will help others. I am getting ready to start show season so as you can see I have a lot of work to do!

Plan b.

At one time I had a manager who had only one frame on her desk. It wasn't a memento or a picture but a collection of words that impacted me and I draw on still; the key to success is how well you deal with plan b.


If you are anything like me, you don't have a plan b and trying to swing from the hip quickly can be a difficult and precarious combination of moves so stunningly acrobatic that it leaves you standing on the tips of your toes and hopeful that there were no witnesses to your near perilous and sudden drop to certain death.

And yet we push through.

It is a wonder to me how we evolve as artists and individuals in any given climate. Perhaps it is the simple truth that we so often have few choices; change or die. Evolve or fail. It is a certainty in life that as soon as you think you have found a perfect balance and harmony, the dance will change.

With the given economic climate and the rising and fluctuating cost of precious metals I find this daring adventure as a jeweler even more of a paradox. How do we face these challenging difficulties.

For each the answer will be different.

The key I know however, is in the elusive plan b.

Into the Light.

Midway upon the journey of our life
I found myself within a forest dark,
For the straightforward pathway had been lost.
-Dante Alighieri, The Inferno

Such amazing words, read at a time when their meaning resonated deep within me. I have found that rarely is the path forward straight. It is full of twists and turns, unexpected angles and a need for optimism that a beam of light will bend to find and lead you through.

I am not alone in this. I have witnessed the struggle of those close around me as we become burdened with life's consequences. It seems there is not a person near not touched within the last few years by hardship. It is understandable that one would want to cover their eyes and fall into the deep clutches of depression but as one who has found their way through the recent events that paralyzed me, I know, the only way is through it. Through the denial, the anger, the fear and the numbness. It is with the passing of the stages that we come to acceptance and with that the ability to capture the courage we need to make the difficult choices with what life has spread before us.

But this is the hard truth and I choke upon the words, do I dare give them permanence in speaking them aloud? You can't go back. This is the ultimate acceptance that buries the passage forward. We can't go back, we must find our way to a new place in a new time. When I first heard these words, I shuttered. All I wanted was to go back. All I did each and every day was try to understand how to put the pieces back together in a collage that once formed the portrait of my life. I didn't believe it, couldn't believe it and never did find comfort in the understanding of it, even now. There is no back, only forward. Now as I have embraced the light again I see so clearly that this was always true. The only comfort I can offer is that what comes next could be greater than what came before. As the driver in your life you have the ability to take the bitter and make it matter in a way that offers pure sweetness. Yes, take lemons and make lemonade.

It is a reminder for me. I thought I already knew but I hadn't realized I had forgotten. The journey to find oneself is an evolution. We are not stagnant but continually moving forward and deepening this relationship can only offer more; more of everything. I thought I knew who I was and perhaps I did at one time. I am no longer that person completely, I am changed and I am always changing. I cannot be locked in a box or hung in a frame. I am a flow of constant movement and this is freeing. It is life.

As an artist I am finding new ways to see with old eyes. I feel fortunate to embrace these past experiences and mend the inner conflict with a colorful stroke of my brush. Painting these vivid experiences in color reminds me that I am a part of "their" story and they are a part of "mine." There is so much to offer and express, so much if we just crack open our souls and stand strong allowing all to see the jagged scars and broken pieces of who we are, rich with history and deep as the canyons. We are not stagnant, we are constantly in motion. 

A Handbook....

Let me start off by sharing the significance of this book. When I was twelve my parents did a variety of odd jobs for Billy Graham. No, not the evangelist but Billy Graham of Billy Graham Presentations..... Don't worry, not many would know the meaning behind this. Billy Graham presented the Grateful Dead and Pink Floyd concerts. Because of this I had a colorful childhood and was exposed to more than most small children.

I've gotten off track. So it just so happened that Pink Floyd was at Cal-Expo in Sacramento in 1988 and my parents were able to find some odd jobs with the show. My parents spent the day in the arena putting up chairs and doing a variety of tasks and I was required to spend the day in the van in the parking lot alone. This may sound crazy but let me follow this up with the fact that the van I'm speaking of doubled as our home. I told you my childhood was colorful!

My mother was one who let me read and watch just about anything I wanted. There were no "grown up" books in our household. So it was on this particular day that as my mother was leaving she parted with some clever words. "you can read anything you want, but I don't think you should read this one, you probably wouldn't understand it." Well, you know what I did as soon as she left the van. I cracked the cover of that book and began reading. I was certain that there must be something very forbidden hidden within it's pages. After awhile I forgot that I was supposed to be looking for some very adult passages and became absorbed into the story of the Reluctant Messiah.

I read this book every year and sometimes twice a year. Each and every time I finish it, I think to myself that I will not forget. Each and every time I do. I must be reminded over and over again. I must be surprised by it's meaning and wrapped in it's words each and every time. I come to this book to heal, to learn and to remember NOT TO CLING TO THE ROCKS! I know that I will find what I am looking for hidden within it's pages and each time I come to it reluctantly. I know the story by heart, I know the meaning, I KNOW. Yet, I come eventually to the one story that defines me and reminds me of where I came from and who I am. What I hold true and what I value. These things are true. These things are good. These things I will keep.

I must part with these words in the hope that you too might let go of the rocks;

11. The Master answered and said, "Once there lived a village of creatures along the bottom of a great crystal river.
12. the current of the river swept silently over them all-young and old, rich and poor, good and evil, the current going its own way, knowing only its own crystal self.
13. Each creature in its own manner clung tightly to the twigs and rocks of the river bottom, for clinging was their way of live, and resisting the current what each had learned from birth.
14. But one creature said at last, "I am tired of clinging. Though I cannot see it with my eyes, I trust that the current knows where it is going. I shall let go, and let it take me where it will. Clinging, I shall die of boredom."
15. The other creatures laughed and said, 'fool! Let go, and that current you worship will throw you tumbled and smashed across the rocks, and you will die quicker than boredom!'
16. But the one heeded them not, and taking a breath did let go, and at once was tumbled and smashed by the current across the rocks.

 17. Yet in time, as the creature refused to cling again, the current lifted him free from the bottom, and he was bruised and hurt no more.


18. And the creatures downstream, to whom he was a stranger, cried, "see a miracle! A creature like ourselves, yet he flies! See the Messiah, come to save us all!"

19. And the one carried in the current said, "I am no more Messiah than you. The river delights to lift us free, if only we dare let go. Our true work is the voyage, this adventure."
20. "But they cried the more, 'savior!' all the while clinging to the rocks, and when they looked again he was gone, and they were left alone making legends of a savior."

Written By Richard Bach, Illusions.

Finding the steps.

I don't know what to say other than the steps I knew as the dance of my life changed and I wasn't aware that the music had stopped....

It's taken some time, a lot of time, to regain any sort of balance and now as I near seven months I am just now beginning to feel the stir within. The need for balance, the need for something whole, the need for myself, a return of myself.

And I try to remember the words spoken so often to me as a young child, life isn't fair. I think we all find that at times what we thought would be our lives takes a sudden turn and we find ourselves winded and immersed in disbelief. Nobody plans for the twists and turns that appear so dark and steep. If we knew they were coming perhaps we would have chosen another path entirely. Yet that is the comedy of life and perhaps a great triumph, would we ever jump if we knew we were going to fall?

So Yes, I am stumbling now. I have fallen and I am still discovering the bruises and fractures that heal slowly. Yet, there is a hope, a glimmer of hope that this too shall pass. I am still here. I am still here inside and though it may take time to bring the fullness of Her back I know She will come. For this I am grateful as I did not know if this would ever come.

And simply, I do realize the things I had forgotten. I am the girl who left McMinnville, Oregon for Atlanta, Georgia on a whim. The girl who wanted to discover a life of her own. The girl who chose her own path. The girl who lived without fear. If nothing else, I want to reconnect with Her. I want Her to be apart of my life moving forward. I want to remember the girl who knew anything was possible and all one must do is take a single step in a specific direction to realize it. I am still HER and SHE is still here. We are getting reacquainted but I missed Her.

So we begin with a new dance, new steps and a new direction.