I recently had an experience that reminded me of all my faults and fear overwhelmed me. Some of what was said trickled into my head and bounced back and forth creating vibrations in my mind making it difficult to see clearly.
And though this person does not know me well they felt compelled to describe me in such a way that they could not have known they hit every fear I hold inside. It commanded my attention as this special journey is one I take so seriously. Someone once told me that the difference between the past and the future is the happy memories you put between them. We each have a story and though that story may not be clear to everyone I think we would all be better if we tried for a moment to realize that we have no idea where people are coming from. What we see in seconds of conversation is but a minute layer and only when we delve further into true friendship are we able to dig past the surface and find the many parts that make the whole. I am guilty of this too and was reminded of this in another recent experience. How I wish I could remember all of my life's lessons and carry them in my pocket for safe keeping.
Is perception reality? Rarely. It is with this in mind that I have chosen a new concept I want to delve into. The idea that we are broken. Small pieces of our life's experience and rarely does one travel the whole of their life without experiencing some battle scars. It is difficult to lay down our guns when the dust settles and redefine ourselves back to who we were before. It is impossible to not allow these experiences to change how we perceive the world and the objects and people in it. But sometimes we find that through true friendship we can allow ourselves to look forward and try to heal. Someone to remind us that yes, we can lay down our guns and move past these experiences even if we have carried them so long that the burden is part of our own spiritual and physical weight.
In this attempt to find closure to the past so that I might learn from my mistakes I am compelled to expand into the many broken pieces. The idea that we are stronger more weathered versions of ourselves once broken but the broken pieces can be mended and can create a whole, a joyful surprise, a something unexpected but real and whole and good. Is this possible? Can we stitch our lives back together and carry the struggle forward embracing it as a life changing experience and create positive consequences? I would say yes to that. I would drink a toast and close my eyes and wish upon stars that this might be true. And so my mind will linger here for awhile..... sifting through little pieces......
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