Waitlisted.

Well, let me start by saying, anything less than yes, is pure rejection. I have had a bitter sweet year; so many wonderful situations mixed with so many frustrating ones.

This year I decided to expand into some local art festivals and shows. I was hoping to introduce my Cobblestone and Reflections line to the local market. Not everyone knows that there is a steady process one must follow to get into shows which can be fairly subjective. Art festivals tend to be juried meaning that you submit photos of your work and booth and a jury or panel reviews the work of the artists and assigns the artist a score. Depending on what your score is and how it falls in the range of other like artists you may or may not be accepted into the show. Typically you will get one of three results, Accepted, Denied, or Waitlist.

This year has been the year of the waitlist for me. Technically speaking this is not a denial but a way of letting me know that my score was not high enough to get into the show but high enough that I will be in line if another or several other artists decline to do the show. Of course, I am not a glass half full girl when I get the waitlist letter. This feels like pure rejection to me. I have been devastated and my self confidence has been shaken. The jury does not send out feedback or let you know what it is that you could have done better so you the artist are left to criticize your work, your photos, your booth, and anything else you can think of. I have been wait listed for almost every show I have applied to this year. Adding salt to the wound, I realized, this means if I had only done just a little better I might have been able to turn the denials into acceptances.

So, I don't know for sure where I missed the mark but have spent hours racking my brain. I have spent thousands of dollars revamping my booth and will now send yet another set of pieces off to be professionally photographed. The jury is a tough mistress and she expects only the best. I am hopeful that by working hard to get each and every piece just a bit better that perhaps next year I will find more success.

Not everyone knows me personally but this has been a heartbreaking experience for me. Failure. I feel like I have failed in some way..... and even when I put it kindly..... I failed to live up to some expectation, I still feel this sinking in my chest that perhaps I'm just not good enough. Pair this up with a personality that doesn't allow failure and ultimately devastation occurs and then torment as now I must figure it out. I must find the missing link and fill the void of the missing piece. I must make sure that next year is better....... I can't handle another year of rejection.