Finding the steps.

I don't know what to say other than the steps I knew as the dance of my life changed and I wasn't aware that the music had stopped....

It's taken some time, a lot of time, to regain any sort of balance and now as I near seven months I am just now beginning to feel the stir within. The need for balance, the need for something whole, the need for myself, a return of myself.

And I try to remember the words spoken so often to me as a young child, life isn't fair. I think we all find that at times what we thought would be our lives takes a sudden turn and we find ourselves winded and immersed in disbelief. Nobody plans for the twists and turns that appear so dark and steep. If we knew they were coming perhaps we would have chosen another path entirely. Yet that is the comedy of life and perhaps a great triumph, would we ever jump if we knew we were going to fall?

So Yes, I am stumbling now. I have fallen and I am still discovering the bruises and fractures that heal slowly. Yet, there is a hope, a glimmer of hope that this too shall pass. I am still here. I am still here inside and though it may take time to bring the fullness of Her back I know She will come. For this I am grateful as I did not know if this would ever come.

And simply, I do realize the things I had forgotten. I am the girl who left McMinnville, Oregon for Atlanta, Georgia on a whim. The girl who wanted to discover a life of her own. The girl who chose her own path. The girl who lived without fear. If nothing else, I want to reconnect with Her. I want Her to be apart of my life moving forward. I want to remember the girl who knew anything was possible and all one must do is take a single step in a specific direction to realize it. I am still HER and SHE is still here. We are getting reacquainted but I missed Her.

So we begin with a new dance, new steps and a new direction.