Argue your limitations....

Yes, argue your limitations and sure enough, they are yours.

It is amazing to me how many talented and incredible artists I meet who set their own limitations. They somehow create a space in their head defined by what they believe they can achieve. I never understood this. I don't know how far each of us can push our own creative endeavors but I believe that we should continue to push ourselves and see where it will go. I never wanted to embrace the idea that I couldn't or I might not... I just want to see and continue down the path to where? I'm not sure but I certainly felt that anything was possible.

So why is it that as of recent I feel a tremendous amount of weight upon my shoulders? It is new, this feeling. I can barely describe it but it is here hanging over me. I've spent the last few months pushing against it, not wanting to give it root but it continues to grow even beyond me as recently my husband spoke it aloud from his own mind and words and the consequence of that is that what I have tried to ignore has its own truth.

The path I am on now has gone as far as it will take me. I've known this quietly in the back of my head. Pieces popping out and lingering in the shadows but I have tried to move past it hoping that time would find a break in the pattern, a momentary relief from the inevitable. Yet, here it is. Time for tough decisions and the question that gnaws at the back of our heels, where do I want to go? I feel unsure and off balance. It is significant and a question I have not had to answer before now. Each step before this brought me closer but not past where I thought I would go. Now, I must honestly look inside and find the words that will propel me forward by my own force and determination.

I know the answer will change everything. I know that moving forward the sense of purpose will be different and unique. It is no longer a matter of split second decisions but somehow more tangible and significant. When you describe in words and write down what you really want, failure is more true in a way that is measured inch by inch, liter by liter against that which is your spoken and verifiable goal.

It is almost overwhelming and I find it difficult to focus on it. I keep thinking that I have time, time to think it through, time to process, to make a decision but the truth is I don't know and procrastination like a holding pattern has become a comfortable home. At least I know this, I know where I am, what is expected of me, what the road here holds but moving forward it all becomes uncertain and my belief that I can overcome the obstacle not certain quite.

There are truly so many different places to go. The thoughts tumble from my mind multiplying from each cross examination. So many wonderful ideas.

Yet. It is spoken aloud. The words have permanence beyond me and there will be so much freedom ultimately in a decision. I continue to toss and turn searching for the light that will illuminate the answer.

I keep coming back to the words, "argue your limitations and sure enough they are yours." I know the truth embedded in these words. I know that a choice must be made. It is a certain truth and yet.....


2 comments:

kerin rose said...

Delias, you are a woman of such strength and clarity....it will be exciting to see what you create next!..

Patty S. said...

I've come back and reread this post numerous times. I want to take that next step beyond where I am. It seems I've always taken baby steps, but my inner being is telling me to stride out, be taller, take chances. Thanks for the thought provoking post.