The Art of Being Still...

To Be Still....

Sometimes the world sends us a message and we are too busy to listen. I have recently found emphasis in certain passages referencing the art of listening and being still. I am without a doubt someone who likes to move quickly through life. I have never had very much patience and never really understood why it is said that patience is a virtue. I mean really, why wait when you can have it now? Recently however I am realizing that when you move so quickly through the moments that add up to the sum of your life you lose a large portion of the magic.

Last night I was reading a book when I came across a passage referencing this concept. I fell asleep thinking about it because I felt like this message is much needed in my life. Can we master anything if we are not truly there in a full capacity? Can we realize that moment and listen to the answers in the earth's vibrations if we do not take a moment to be still? I do not consider myself a religious person but I am a spiritual person. I say that with tongue in cheek because though I try to have the hard conversations with myself and though I think deeply I am usually moving too quickly to actually learn anything. It seems every task I take is a process of many steps towards completion and I have become one of those people who realizes that sometimes I cannot quite remember the individual moments of the day, as it has all become a blur. Do we respect the task at hand when we spend the moments doing it thinking only of the next task at hand? Can we offer anything of ourselves to the moment if we are not really there? These are just some of the thoughts going through my head. I have perfected the art of completion. Mastered the ability to move through life quickly but am I willing to also learn the opposite and accept a full moment of being still? How can I possibly learn anything in this life if I do not take a moment to appreciate where I am?

 So today I took the first small step in learning to focus on the task at hand. I began fabricating this ring and I actually allowed myself to enjoy each stroke of the file, to watch the process of the flame on metal, to see the flow as the solder moved. I spent the time working on this ring only on fabricating this ring. I tried not to let my mind wander but to master the moment. I found a forgotten respect for my craft. I had forgotten to the point that I didn't even realize it was missing what an amazing experience it is to just fabricate one piece. I will admit that after the process, as fulfilling as it was, I immediately forgot all about mastering the moment and went back to warp speed.  Now at the end of the night though I find myself reflecting on how important this first step was. If I can be aware of this missing element in my life perhaps I can move towards satisfying it. In the past I have often thrown the words, "live in the moment." around but never really sought their meaning and never was it described to me as disrespect but when I read this passage I realized that truly is what you are doing, disrespecting the task at hand. Especially in the studio where these tasks are meant to fill my soul and balance my spirit.

thank you.

So often my creative mind comes in this dreamlike visual phenomena.... an idea sits on the air in front of me but I can't quite grasp it. I fall asleep trying to focus on the abstraction and bring out the detail but sedation comes and I wake with the idea that there was something there.... the beginnings of something I would like to explore...

My creative mind sputters and grinds out ideas slowly. It begins simply and slowly unwinds itself to multiple concepts and then moves swiftly to the surreal before stopping and leaving me behind in its wake.

And then there are ideas that flow naturally and move with grace and purpose. They build themselves with layers and keep me captive as I examine them from the inside out and I find I am too excited to stop and my creative energy spikes in such a way that I find it difficult to complete any other task or to sleep because I want to capture the magical essence while I have it.

These are the moments when it feels good to create. A perfect harmony.... I feel so completely sure of myself as I work the metal and so confident that the finished piece will bring the satisfaction I search for daily.

The pebble collection came so unexpectedly and easily that I couldn’t help but think there is a genius sitting at the edge of my bench and directing me from the paranormal. The beginnings of this idea came a few weeks ago and I began fabricating some pieces but they were off.... wrong... awkward. I moved forward thinking it just another exercise but then a few days later it came to me so simple and full of unexpected bliss..... And so unlike me; miniature. The collection worked perfectly smaller.

I began fabricating all of the pieces in a lighter weight metal and so much smaller than the originals and I realized that it was a perfect fit. Each piece moving forward has come so gracefully and I am full of ideas on how to expand this concept into a full spectrum of organic euphoria.

It is a small glimpse of light at the end of a very long dark winter and all I can say to whomever might be responsible..... Physical or metaphysical..... Is thank you.

A Difficult Task...

Building a new collection....

It takes time. I have been laughing at myself privately, it seems every year I choose to take on the task of building a new collection. It overwhelms me and brings out all of my anxieties and yet I cannot seem to resist. Perhaps sitting still has never been my strong point but I am promising myself that once I complete the two collections I am working on now I will take some time to enjoy the collections for awhile.

However, I get so excited undertaking a new journey. As frustrating as it can be it is also rewarding to develop new work and find new inspiration. Each piece teaches me so much and helps me to branch out into new areas. I am really enjoying working with color which I have done so little of in the past.  It's nice to add a little extra sparkle to my work.

These new necklaces are called, Embrace. They feature circles that fall within the oxidized cable and I love that they are casual and elegant at the same time. I really wanted to design a piece that could express casual elegance at a price point under $100 retail. I am getting ready for the Atlanta Dogwood Festival so I went ahead and fabricated one of these in each color.

So far this collection has been a lot of fun to work on. I am still developing the line but I thought I would share the process with you. I usually fabricate many pieces and then decide which ones to keep for production. I have chosen this piece as the first to keep in the line out of the first five I have fabricated. Once I develop an idea I want to keep I begin the process of designing accompanying pieces such as earrings and perhaps a bracelet. I am working on the earrings for this piece next...... oh such a process....



I

Explore...

Sometimes you must gracefully bow to the alchemist inside and begin down the wandering path towards the discovery of something new.

I am at the beginning of such a journey in so many ways both personally and professionally. I find that I am yearning to break down mental barriers. Fear is something I knew little when I was younger but as the years pass I find myself hesitating just a little longer than I am comfortable with before jumping....  Those who know me find this a trait I might surrender to a little more willingly but it is not in my nature. I prefer a little risk in life. At this recent discovery of my new found hesitation I can think of only one thing to do...... jump of course.


So with this in mind I am pushing forward and have decided this must be a year of new experiences. It is time to shake things up a little. Now you might laugh at some of the things I have chosen to learn as they are, well, quite domestic. However, for me, finding comfort in domestic activities has been alien. So I have chosen to learn to make and can jellies and jams, to knit socks, and for the first time ever will be skydiving this summer.


So too has my work become a little stale to my fingers as I fabricate..... As much fun as I have in the studio, I must also strengthen my creative mind and explore new opportunities in metal. I have been hasty this last year in designing new work and not quite true to myself. So I am taking my time this year. I will enjoy the path of exploration and explore these new ideas fully before presenting them into a line of production. There is calmness within as I am certain of this new direction. A balance in both living with my head in the clouds and my feet on the ground. As physically impossible as this might sound, I plan to grow very tall this year!


This is a new piece; Something wicked, and is a style I worked in several years ago yet differently. It was profound for me to decide to fabricate this piece without a background. Simple, yes, but the clean lines are so much more pronounced and the balance within the piece, even. I find my eye looking further than it once did. So prepare to see many new items from me as I continue my year of exploration. No life jacket needed.

Creative Storms

Recently I saw a link to Elizabeth Gilbert, Author of Eat, Pray, Love, speaking about the creative process. Her words were inspiring to me as I am finding myself yet again, amidst a creative storm. In the last three years since I decided to earn a living off of my work I have found that the peaks of the mountains are ever so high while the valleys torment me in a way that I feel I should purge myself of my work altogether.

I have spoken with other artists who have had these same feelings. The sense that we can accomplish anything, the heightened exhilaration that comes with success only to be followed by the deepest internal anguish that we will never fulfill our personal vision. This is a battle as true as any other we face in life and one we must find a way to combat in an effort to save our sanity.

I have found over the years that I have gotten better at exposing my creative demons and yet still they come marching towards me as real as any realized fear. They creep up and grip me in a way that I feel unable to work and throttled in a creative slump of failure. I have never quite been able to put these feelings or experiences into words the way Elizabeth Gilbert has and her speech helped me to find a way to make sense of these demons and to realize that any who dares to endeavor on a creative path will find them lurking in the back hallways of their minds. I think I can label them more aptly than demons however, they are really my fears. Deeply placed fears about my abilities to overcome my shortcomings as an artist and achieve something greater than myself. My reaction to the demons has been one that may make little sense to others but I find myself hurdling my body right back at them and chasing down this deepest fear so I can square off with it face to face. I will not be cast aside by my fears and I will not allow these internal threats of failure immobile me.


When the demons beckon out at me I have found that working on production components has been a great way to defeat the build up of negative energy. I know that if I continue trying to build something great that the fears and nasty words in my head will gain strength so I discourage them by setting aside new ideas and working on items my hands know rhythmically by heart. Hammering a bangle, patterning metal, cutting lengths for earrings...... these things are mundane and do not require my third eye.


But why is it that some of us choose a path riddled with demons and ghosts? Why do we find that we must always outdo ourselves and why does the internal mental balance shift so darkly? I cannot quite answer this except to say that for many of us there is no choice in whether or not we will create.... it is what we do. And yes, like all things, we are looking for the yes in life.... yes, the work is good, yes, you have achieved adoration, yes, you are worthy....... There is truth to the fact that many of us may or may not find this self worth among others or that even more dangerous we may find then lose the public's attention, the academic's nod, or the publisher's praise..... And what do we do after? Elizabeth Gilbert renews the roots by insisting we show up anyway...... we do our job anyway.

Next time the creative demons fill my head I will attempt to seek them out apart from myself as individuals and perhaps realize them for who they are..... Separate and within me, they are my fears embedded and my alternate self who insists I am mad to attempt such a journey, they are the cynics and the thief’s, and within them is not only the demon I fear but the dreamer I seek as well. It comes from the same place. They are not one-dimensional as I most certainly am not..... They are the crowd in my head that applauds, the recognition of a job well done, and the fuel to continue climbing ever upwards....

A quick note.

And with the past firmly tucked under tongue she discovered a way unseen by those who came before
A path hidden by a tree with long branches  In the wood
She captured the thumping of her heart in her hand, calming her senses and struggling for courage
It was a dance she knew
A perfect ballet preordained with movements precise
But to break free of the chorus she must only see
With eyes wide open that which lay askew
A twig snapped, a leaf fallen, a print left in the snow
Some had come here before
Each step is not measured by one’s hope but in strength eternal and stretched like an endless stream
It twists and it turns on itself and it keeps one hidden from the truth that can only be found when one faces
Reality with brutal and true recognition
There is no control
There is only freedom
To take each step and move with a determination certain of one’s direction
The die is not cast like a gambler’s crutch
There is more
Within the shadows and outside of blacks and whites
There is more
To capture this one might find a freedom braver than the laugh of the crone, the jester, or the ghost
For they were blind
Too blind to see that with the act of surrender to ones deepest desires
Set within vines and thorns and pain there can be a truth
More certain than the ideal.
More certain than the girl herself
It is not of hope that bridges are built and walls torn
But of knowing that with ones own hands
A temple may be built
If only an internal sanctuary.

And so it is.... And so it was...

Arriving home from over four feet of snow in Philadelphia left a cold dampness within me. And though by my own calculations the show was a success as with all of life's lessons I found myself reflecting on the past week...

I do not mind reflecting and reviewing the details of any event to find a kernal of knowledge that may make me stronger moving forward but I must admit lately I do this with a sense of exhaustion. At times I look back and wish with all my heart that the lessons could be fewer and further a part. Yet, I find myself content in knowing that as long as there is something to learn there is always more to achieve.

I believe that in this last six months I have lost a part of myself. Looking to balance one's business self with their artistic self can be a dangerous passage and one must not lose either part when venturing out. I have felt myself losing sight of my ultimate goal and trying to determine what others need or want from me leaving me positioned on a plane of unawareness. At last I discovered that "they" do not want the part of me that is trying to be something I am not. This is wonderful and is giving me permission to go back to my true self. Hopefully a lesson I can learn once.

In order to move forward with anything we first must know who we are. This is perhaps my mistake in constantly second guessing myself and constantly trying to be something I simply am not. With this lesson I am firmly planting my feet in the ground and realizing what I am and what I have to offer. There is a balance in this and one I must learn to find comfort in. I am prepared for the next stage of self awareness that will position me as a whole instead of a part.

I am tired of being afraid. Tired of wondering if I am going down the right path or if the path I choose to take will be met with success. I am so tired....... and permission to let go of this other part and to stop trying so hard is welcome at this point. We are who we are. We cannot be something different and if we wander down the path a part from ourselves for too long we may lose sight of the path all together. So with a great effort I am trudging back to the place where I started and taking notice of that which led me astray. I am my best when I am myself.

The sun has chosen to greet me today and I feel a sense of wonderment at the beautiful day that has arrived. It feels like everything will be o.k. and that there is no reason to fret. Don't you wish you could capture the sense of awe and bottle it for later? It is my intention to capture this day in words so i can remind myself later when I get torn and conflicted.  Spring is coming and there will be long golden days to bring warmth and smiles and perhaps is is only the long hard winter that has made me lose sight.